February 03, 2009

Crayon Theory

If emotional understanding were crayons, most men get the 8 pack while women get the 64 pack with the built in sharpener.

The male crayon box contains 1 yellow (happy), 1 blue (sad) 1 red (angry) and 1 black (my team lost the playoffs) crayon. The other 4, he believes, are varying degrees of hunger.

Women have about 32 shades of orange, red, pink, flesh tones, magenta, rose, salmon, etc, etc, etc, that are all technically in the Red family. When a man encounters one of these emotions - say salmon (disappointment) or rose (resignation with a hint of despair), he frantically searches his crayon box for a match. What does that look like? A HA!

Thus the man will ask, with trepidation,
"Are you mad?"

To which the woman can quite honestly say,
"No, I'm not mad."

And the man scratches his head. He thinks to himself, well, she's either lying or she's hungry. He's still nervous, because there's something in the air that feels like a thing he should be able to name, but having eyes that only see primary colors, it is indistinct. He hopes that if he stays very still and very quiet, perhaps it will go away.

It is around this point that the salmon or rose has turned to a deep flashing red, and the man realizes there is no escape. There's going to be 'a discussion'. This is the first time the man begins to discern what rose (resignation with a hint of despair) looks like.

It is only by these small increments that you can acclimate a man to new emotions. After a long period of remedial color study, he will recognize that those 4 stages of hunger were in fact fledgling emotions, waiting to be acknowledged.


I fully understand and admit that this theory is not applicable to all people. So don't bitch me out if you are offended, you are probably an exception. If you want something official, send me your address and I can mail you a full color certificate confirming your exemption.


implexus said...

"The other 4, he believes, are varying degrees of hunger." lol

I like this crayon theory.

Lisa said...

Thank you! It's something I tell myself, 'calm down, he just doesn't know that crayon yet'. Sometimes it works.

Wendie Scott Davis said...


Your post today couldn't be more timely for me.

Lately husband has become the 8-crayon type, although he used to have a few more colours in his box.

It's amazing how we are both dealing with our 55+ lives. I look ahead and see a big adventure. He looks behind and wants it all back.

I think my age and wisdom and my well-earned confidence makes me even more colourful as I age. Him -not so much.

I believe this comes partly from womens' ability to reinvent themselves over and over in their lives. Men tend to have one identity that is based too much on youth, prowess and success in career. Maybe that's why they have fewer colours than we do in the first place. That's all they thought they needed.

Womens' ability to express themselves and share their feelings with one another keeps all 64 colours alive. We even invent new ones when we need them.

Thanks for a great post.



Cassandra Kiss said...

I laughed so hard that I cried when I read this, it's brilliant and hillarious!

TMCPhoto said...

LOL, ROFL, LOL, deep breath, lol

how lucky am I that we have a few extra boxes of crayons in the house. My husband some times reverts back to 8 crayons but for the most part he has his own box that holds a few more here and there.

This post was brilliant

Lost In Translation said...

Exemption, please... =P


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