December 15, 2008

Mmm, bacon

A vegetarian and an Albertan enter a bar...

"So you can't eat steak anymore?"

"No steak"

"So, just hamburgers then?"

"No, no hamburgers. Hamburgers are made from meat."

"Pork is ok, though, right?"

"No, it's not."

"Wow, you're only allowed chicken? That's rough"

"No, chicken is not a vegetable."

"Well, then, fish? You eat nothing but fish? That's crazy."

"What's crazy is that fish aren't vegetables either."

And at that point, the person you're talking to looks as worried as if you told them you have a terminal illness and they drop the subject for fear of overexerting you. They stand anxiously by, waiting for you to pass out so they can administer a meat IV and save your life. Amused the hell out of me when I was a vegetarian, especially with my grandma who would forget between visits and we had this exact conversation at least 3 times.

I've gone vegetarian a couple times in my life for moral reasons. I figure it's hypocrytical of me to eat meat if I can't stand the thought of blood, can't think about where the meat came from, and don't think I could bring myself to kill a cow myself. Feedlots and chicken farms have bad reputations, I read Fast Food Nation and couldn't look at meat without thinking about how much feces was in it....If I have to shut my brain off to eat it, why not just eat food that doesn't gross me out?

Well, because my brain isn't always in charge. When it comes to food, the tongue wins. And the thing that always gets me back on the slaughter bandwagon is not steak or filet mignon (never even had that), it's always and forever bacon. So crispy, so greasy, so delicious. I feel like I'm breaking the law every time I eat it, it's so good. The heroin of meat. Someday, I'll be found in an alley, grease dribbling down my chin, a dirty frying pan and 5 empty packs of bacon by my side. I will have died happy.

1 comment:

Lisa said...

This is hilarious! I'm vegetarian and my boyfriend's family simply cannot fathom the concept. It's really bottomlessly entertaining and makes for lots of, "Ham? Does Lisa eat Ham? Well, I just made the vegetarian potatoes with bacon grease, there's no actual bacon in it." type of questions/statements.

And I'm with you on the bacon. It's definitely the hardest part.


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