Finally

Canada Day. We wake up and dismantle our tent, pack everything up and we're ready to go.
Here's the fire pit that defeated us:



Gord's shoes, sacrificed to the rain gods. They weren't enough to make it stop.



As we are heading out of the campground, Gord's camera stops working. It has condensation on the lens. Same with the video camera. So we think we've ruined our electronics by camping in the rain. Fortunately, there doesn't seem to be any permanent damage, and the camera is working again in about 40 minutes, which is good, because it means the rest of this post can be done entirely with photographs.

Days 7, 8 & 9

It rained last night. And the thunder ROOOOLLLLED, Garth Brooks. It was so long, I had time to think complete sentences. It was so loud, I felt it roll through me. It wasn't scary, just like the sky was going "Look what I can do!" very emphatically.


At some point, Gord gets up and takes everything except the sleeping bag to the car so it won't get wet in our leaky tent. Also, we were idiots and left our shoes outside the tent, cause god knows you don't want dirt in the tent. So we wake up to soggy shoes, but the sun is shining and we don't have to drive ANYWHERE today. What a freaking relief that is.

We didn't take any pictures, or even really do anything. Wait, we did laundry. Glorious clean clothes, no more bean and chili pants. We feel like kings. We also leash the cats and bring them outside for a while. They don't like outside, or being leashed. A train hoots in the distance, and both cats loose their shit. Ruku bolts into the litter box and burrows in the back, Penta dives into the duffel bag and almost knocks it off the picnic table in panic. The cats are put back in the car.

And for dinner, replay the fire woes from the previous post, minus the eventual fire. Tonight we try toilet paper and a hockey magazine. No go. It's especially embarrassing because there are witnesses in the camp to our right. These people have a camper, a tarp village, a bbq, CHRISTMAS LIGHTS...these people are equipped. These are the people that watch the Canadian Tire commercials for the outdoor air conditioning units, portable showers, and solar powered big screen tv and entertainment units and think, well, now it's possible to survive in the wilderness. I shouldn't mock them though, because the nice man had some lamp oil that he offered to pour on our logs. We had another brief fire, cooked some smokies and went to bed.

Only a light rain that night.

We wake up, and go directly back to sleep. Seriously. It starts to rain, and there wasn't anything else to do.

Second wake up, and we go to the store to get food, because I think we've pissed off the fire gods.
I'm hoping they have bread, and sandwich meat and cheese. They don't. We get:

2 cans of Pringles chips
2 chocolate bars
1 box of Gobstoppers
1 deck of cards
1 Coke
1 Fresca

We eat the Pringles and play cards in the tent for a while and it starts to rain. Again. Only HARD this time, and it's dripping into the tent.

Gord's shoes, that were almost dry, are filling up with rain outside the tent. We send whiny text messages to our friends and wait for the rain to end.

When it does, we reconfigure the tarps so that our tent is completely covered. Screw the picnic table and firepit, they're no use anyway. We sit in the tent in a gentle rain. We have one can of vegetarian chili and Gord snuggles with it for 2 hours to get it to body temperature. We eat in the tent and go to sleep. The new tarp deployment is a success. We hear the patter of rain all night, but nary a drop enters the tent.

I'd like to take a moment and thank Gord for being stuck in a tent with me for almost an entire day, and not only NOT fighting, but making it fun. There are very few people who could sit in a tiny 2 man tent with me for that long and not think standing in the rain is preferable.

Tomorrow...after a year of planning and 6 days of driving, 2 days camping in a leaky tent with fire woes, we will finally get to Montreal.

OR WILL WE?
(CUE OMINOUS MUSIC)

PS. The chili was still in the can. Gord did not smear chili all over his body to warm it up, and we didn't eat lukewarm chili off his naked torso with plastic forks. Just in case you didn't have that picture in your head already ;)

Day 6

We had originally planned to drive fast enough to give ourselves a day off and still make it to Montreal for June 30th, but since we don't have a show to go to, we now have 2 full days free. We can't get our apartment in Montreal until the first, so we check online for campgrounds near Ottawa, and find the Ottawa Municipal Campground. Gord calls and charms the pants off the girl on the phone, and gets us a site for 3 nights. We leave the motel in a light drizzle that becomes a downpour. Just as we're heading into North Bay, we spot - HALLELUJAH, A Canadian Tire. Not that there isn't one every 50 feet along the Transcanada, but we've just realized that we need to recover and retie the mattress. We have a mild tiff in the parking lot, and I make Gord stay in the car while I head into Canadian Tire to get new tarps, matches, duct tape and more bungee cords. How did people manage before bungee cords? I also picked up a new non leaky mattress, because I'm too delicate to sleep on the actual ground.

We fix the mattress, tie it down tight and head to the Sobeys across the parking lot. This time, I stay in the car while Gord gets groceries for the next few days. It's day 6 of constant togetherness, and it's about time for a break, even if it is only 15 minutes each. He comes back with more smokies (this is why I love him), more cans of chili, and bananas...Actual fruit. Not just something that claims to be 'fruit flavoured'.

We don't take a lot of photos today until Gord sees this building:


Which is where the Ottawa Senators play.

We get to the campground, find our site, and set up the tent. Gord goes for firewood while I blow up the air mattress. Here's where our natural camping ineptitude strikes again. The wood is all stored in these chicken wire pens, in plasstic bags. It's been raining all day. The wood is damp.
Also, while I picked up enough duct tape and bungee cords to be the next Red Green, I forgot all about those handy little things called hatchets. This wasn't such a big deal in Wawa, where each bag of firewood had tiny little kindling pieces, but here at the Ottawa Municipal Campground, you get giant logs. So we sat at our damp picnic table and peeled little strips of wood off the rough hewn logs. Soon we had a little pile of damp strips of wood and very sore fingers. Surely we could make fire with this! Having learned my lesson in Wawa, and also having decided that there's no way anything was going to burn, I graciously let Gord build the fire.

So here's how it went down:
G:"Yeah, these sticks aren't going to light."
L: "Hmpf"

Silence

G: "I would really appreciate some help."
Ok, now we're talking (or, we're talking now that he realizes HE NEEDS MY HELP. I win)
"Throw some more matches in."
"Are you sure?"
"We've got 500 of them. Throw a handful in. That'll work."
"Okay."
We have a brief display of match heads flaring and going out in the damp damp firepit.
"Now what?"
"We have toilet paper in the car..."
"How much?"
"4 or 5 rolls..."
"OK!"

I get a roll of toilet paper, and bring it back. We proceed to take a couple squares, crumple them and tuck them under the wet sticks, light them...add more toilet paper, watch it burn, add more...thinking that if nothing else, this should dry out the sticks and then they too will burn.

And we're right, but it takes 2 rolls of toilet paper to do this. Don't anyone tell my dad that I wasted 2 rolls of toilet paper like that. Well, not wasted. While Gord was crumpling and burning, I cooked 2 smokies over our toilet paper fire.
We do finally have a fire going - ok, one of the drier logs is on fire, and the rest are just there for show. Gord shoves a can of chili in as close to the burning log as he can without burning his hands. I did come prepared - I came with a guy who will stick his hands in fire so I can drop hot chili on my pants. That's Love, that is. We eat the chili and I'm about to say "Lets put out the fire and go to bed" when the fire goes out. We go to bed.



Gas to get us this far:
Calgary $33.00 @ 131.9
Medicine Hat $39.00 @ 130.9
Swift Current $40.00 (I'm guessing, we lost the receipt)
Regina $37.00 @ 139.9
Moosomin $34.00 @ 139.9
Winnipeg $40.00 (again, no receipt)
Kenora $42.50 @ 137.9
Ignace $39.00 @ 143.9
Thunder Bay $52.00 @ 143.9
Marathon $44.00 @ 145.0
Wawa $47.49 @ 141.9
Sault Ste Marie $37.00 @ 136.9
Wahnapitae $50.68 (doesn't say, can't remember how much/litre)
Stonecliffe $48.00 @ 136.9

Day 5

We wake up, shower and break camp by 10:30. I told you we aren't morning people, didn't I?
While Gord is showering, I have a visitor - he crawls all over the picnic table, climbs in the bag of food, and promptly runs off when I reach for the camera.
He (or someone who looks just like him) comes back and poses for us just as we're about to leave.


We get gas and breakfast (Twinkies...They're almost food), drive for a bit, and stop at Old Woman bay, where Gord decides he's clever and takes a picture of Old Woman Bay and his old woman. Ha. Ha.

It's quite cold.

There's a picnic area, but we've been sitting down for days, so we walk around taking pictures while we eat our gas station Twinkies. And hear a bird whistling the unmistakable first three notes of "Iron Man". You can't hear those first three notes (I AM I..) without mentally hearing the next two (I AM I..RON MAN!) Gord tries to teach it the missing notes, but it doesn't catch on. We both have Iron Man stuck in our heads for the rest of the day, only Gord now sings it "I am IRON BIRD".

Guess what happens next? That's right, Bob Ross!

A HAPPY LITTLE SQUIRREL!
(ground squirrel, whatever)

Happy little squirrel smells Twinkies.

Happy little squirrel bites the hand that does not feed it Twinkies.

Luckily, Gord's finger is calloused from the bass, or the happy little bugger would have punctured the skin.

Today's counts:
Roadkill: 5
High 5's: 1 ( Our enthusiasm is waning)
Caffeinated beverages: 4

We end up at the Norvic Motel, about a half hour east of Sudbury. They allow pets, so the cats can get out of the car and hide under a bed! They also have internet, which is an unexpected pleasure. And brings unexpected bad news. Back in May Gord had got tickets for the E.S.T (Esbjorn Svensson Trio) show at Place des Arts for June 30th, and we'd planned our trip around that. It's a band Gord has wanted to see for years, and they never come to Calgary (no one does), so this was something he was really looking forward to. Tragically, Esbjorn Svensson died in a scuba diving accident on June 14th. Gord is depressed, because a lot of the musicians he really wants to see live are dying, but it's expected because they're quite old. This is one musician who should have been making great music for decades yet. We console ourselves with pepperoni pizza and Much Music's Video on Trial.

Gas to get us this far:
Calgary $33.00 @ 131.9
Medicine Hat $39.00 @ 130.9
Swift Current $40.00 (I'm guessing, we lost the receipt)
Regina $37.00 @ 139.9
Moosomin $34.00 @ 139.9
Winnipeg $40.00 (again, no receipt)
Kenora $42.50 @ 137.9
Ignace $39.00 @ 143.9
Thunder Bay $52.00 @ 143.9
Marathon $44.00 @ 145.0
Wawa $47.49 @ 141.9
Sault Ste Marie $37.00 @ 136.9
Wahnapitae $50.68 (doesn't say, can't remember how much/litre)

Day 3

Again, I forgot to give you the best shot of the day, good old prairie sunset.


Do you see the Nefarious Frog God? He was a portent of the night to come, but did we heed the warning? We did not. Let this be a lesson to all you kids out there - don't cross the NFG. You'll spend a sweltering night tormented by the Judds and mosquitos, and wake to find this:


That's the Cat Sass Tavern. And beside it is the L'agimodiere Restaurant, where you can get steak & eggs for $6.49, and the coffee is heavenly. Its the kind of place where the locals will grab a pot and fill up everyones mug while they're at it. Delicious food. Worth going to Winnipeg for.

Roadkill: 11 (one of which was a moose, which was heartbreaking. Little gophers are easier to take, especially because they all seem to be suicidal)
Caffeinated beverages: 4




High 5's: 3

LIVE ANIMALS!! Gord saw 1 scampering little black bear soon after we entered

Hey, it ain't easy getting the shot from a moving car. No time to stop. NO TIME!
Also saw one live deer. Go Ontario, with your wildlife being all alive and such.

Sign of the day: Woman Abuse is a Crime.

Holy shit, Canada. We need billboards for this? Come on.

So, now that we've left the prairies behind and entered Ontario, we can see why everyone thinks the prairies are flat. They are, but for 2 kids from the prairies, they don't look so flat. Ontario is very pretty, lakes everywhere, and these inukshuk guys:


After driving this far, I haven't really seen any place in Canada that isn't pretty. We have a very pretty country, at least for the mile or so on either side of the Transcanada. There isn't anywhere that I wouldn't consider living, except maybe here:


And we're headed for Thunder Bay, which we make in good time and are able to find a Travelodge that allows pets AND has a room. Perhaps we've shaken the curse of the NFG.
It rained a lot in the last 2 days though, and that's when we notice that the tarp covering the mattress has come loose and the mattress got a bit wet. Damn duct tape. I guess we didn't use enough.

So we get an actual bed for the night, and showers, and internet access...oh, it was good times.



Gas to get this far:
Calgary $33.00 @ 131.9
Medicine Hat $39.00 @ 130.9
Swift Current $40.00 (I'm guessing, we lost the receipt)
Regina $37.00 @ 139.9
Moosomin $34.00 @ 139.9
Winnipeg $40.00 (again, no receipt)
Kenora $42.50 @ 137.9
Ignace $39.80 @ 143.9

Day 2

Whoops. Forgot to mention the incredible sunsets you get in the prairies. See above.

I can't say how Gord felt that morning, but I woke up in a motel in Swift Current Tuesday morning thinking "What have I done?! I left my friends and family for this? Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit..."
But we press on, stopping for gas and Tim Hortons. We start each day unsure of how far we're going to make it, and we don't have any reservations anywhere except in Montreal for the night of the 30th, to see E.S.T. at the Jazz Festival. We're aiming for Winnipeg today.

A light rain starts as we leave SC and continues for the next 4 hours. Swift Current...we wouldn't go back. But the coffee was excellent. Also, I heard that terrible song "I Kissed a Girl" on Saskatchewan radio. I didn't think they were that progressive out there. My brain is just a big knot of stereotypes, slowly being unraveled on this trip.

We pass Moose Jaw and there is indeed a moose. Witness the mooseyness of that moose, bein all moose-like.



When we hit Regina...The Apocalypse, Uber Rain. Took pictures, but they don't do it justice so I'm not going to post them.

Roadkill: 25. 25?!?! Shame on you, Saskatchewan.
Caffeinated beverages: 6
High 5's: 4

Sign of the Day:
Life is sacred, from conception to natural death.

A trend is starting, the sign of the day goes to the one that gives us the most willies. We see another "Life is Sacred" sign later that says "Take my hand, not my life".

"What's all this Christian propoganda on the side of the road?"
-Gord

The sign says
"Dam Days August 1,2 2008"
and under that
"Wolseley
Town Around a Lake"

Oh Saskatchewan. Your utter lack of personality is adorable, you know that? Who's a cute little province?

396. I don't think we'll make it today, but I'm wrong. Oh man am I wrong. We enter Manitoba and just keep driving. By now, it is pretty flat, and the road just goes on and on, with nothing to really break it up except religious billboards and gas stations. For some reason in our log book, we've written

"What colour do I want? Brown!...It's coffee, not doo-doo". And I can't remember why Gord said that, or why we thought it was so hilarious.
(*edit...Gord just came in and cleared this up for me. He was discussing what flavour toffee he wanted.)

We enter Winnipeg at about 11, and drive right through it without seeing the Travelodge I thought was supposed to be there. We spot one on the eastern limits of the city and think we're home for the night, but no. This one does take pets, but they don't have any 'pet friendly' rooms available for the night, and since the cats are still pretty freaked, we wanted to stop somewhere and let them out, see if they would finally eat something.
So we pass on the Travelodge. Looking back - bad idea. We exit the city, thinking there would be motels and hotels on the east side of Winnipeg, and we'd just pick one of them. Ha.
There are no hotels. We gas up at a PetroCanada on the edge of Winnipeg, and there are no lights off in the distance that we can aim for. This is my fault. As we entered the city, I told Gord to text our families and let them know we were staying in Winnipeg for the night. So we keep driving, and driving, and finally about a half hour, 45 minutes out of Winnipeg we see a truck stop next to a restaurant that is closed, but it's far enough from the highway, and we're tired so we stop.

We do our best to get comfortable in the car, but it's not easy. The night is hot and muggy, the cats are climbing over us and the mosquitos are out in force. Gord is in the passenger seat, wrapped up entirely in a blanket as protection from the mosquitos (looks like he's wearing a burka) and I'm on the back seat. Gord is singing "Love can build a bridge" in his best Cartman impersonation, trying to get comfortable when I see him bolt up out of his seat to flail ineffectually at the mosquitos, screaming
"I will bathe in the blood of my enemies!!...Technically, it's my blood."
And I think I giggled myself to sleep. Beat that, Travelodge.

So ends day 2.

Gas to get this far:
Calgary $33.00 @ 131.9
Medicine Hat $39.00 @ 130.9
Swift Current $40.00 (I'm guessing, we lost the receipt)
Regina $37.00 @ 139.9
Moosomin $34.00 @ 139.9
Winnipeg $40.00 (again, no receipt)

Day 1

Starting from Calgary

Gord looking thrilled about this.

We were tired, and in less than stellar moods, so we didn't even bother to get a picture of the whole rig, Honda + UHaul. But it's there. We would never have got this far without a fight if it weren't for Kevin, who helped us move. Kev's the man, we would never have made it out of Calgary that day if it weren't for him.

Starting Mileage: 277267KM
Gas prices in Calgary: 133.9

We're not sure how far we're going to get today, we don't leave Calgary until 3:30pm and we're already tired...We were up at 7:30 and WE ARE NOT MORNING PEOPLE. We are cranky, and need a nap, but we've got to keep moving on, like the Littlest Hobo.

We're keeping track of:
Roadkill: 7
Caffeinated Beverages: 6
High 5's: 2.5
Sign of the Day: "Free Spirit Taxidermy"
(spotted somewhere between Brooks and Medicine Hat, I think. We did not get a picture of this, but it's there)


We stop in Medicine Hat for Gas (130.9, yeah baby), shout out to Earl, who told us we could be in Montreal in a few days....Sorry we let you down Earl. We're lazy.

We head out of Alberta and take this picture, thinking it'll be the last one we see for a while...

But it wasn't. Saskatchewan is not entirely flat. There are some very pretty green rolling hillsides in the province.

"So far, it's not as flat as I thought it would be.
I don't know what the fuck everyone was talking about."
-Gord

We get into Swift Current by 10:30 that night and get lost in the downtown (?) area...it looks like Ogden. We try the Holiday Inn, but they're full, so we end up on the other side of HWY 1 at a motel that we can't remember the name of. The motel doesn't allow cats, so the beasts have to spend the night in the Honda, but they do have...

Snazzy Religious Indoctrination! Hell yeah ;)

And about 10 minutes after getting our bags into the room, we have fight #1, and it's a doozy. We're up til 2AM. I'll spare us the embarrassment of details, especially since it was clear come morning that it was just the stress/tiredness/homesickness cocktail we'd been drinking all day that caught up with us.

Gas to get this far:
Calgary $33.00 @ 131.9
Medicine Hat $39.00 @ 130.9